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-A post exploring what masculinities mean and feel like to different people. Add your thoughts in the comments section and get involved in the conversation!
I feel masculine when I can take care of someone, when they have a problem or a crisis and I’m able to resolve it and make it better. When I’m able to handle things and deal with stuff while maintaining a cool head, I feel like a man. There’s part of my definition of masculinity that involves being a reliable, capable person that other people can count on to get shit done.
Now, I do worry that this means that, via binary thinking, I on some level perceive women as unreliable, incapable, and unable to get shit done. We all have a lot of our own stuff to unpack, after all.
-Thoughts on better ways of “dealing” with angry children.
And then I asked, “Do you want to go to the bathroom before bedtime?”
“Are you sure?…I’m going to go right now.”
“When was the last time you went?”
“At the party.”
“Well that was at least two hours ago. Maybe just try?”
“You’re stupid mommy. Well not stupid but you’re yucky.” she said. This was her attempt at an apology for calling me stupid before. She knew it wasn’t right and she was sorry she’d done it.
From the toilet I calmly said, “Jules, I know that I’m not yucky. And I know that I’m not stupid. The reason you say those things to me is because you’re five and you don’t yet know how to express yourself when you’re angry and that’s what Dad and I are here to help you with.”
“I’m angry!” she then yelled from her bed.
“Are you angry because I recommended you try to go the bathroom more than once and you felt like I didn’t trust that you know your own body?”
“I’m sorry Jules. I know that you know your body and can take care of it.”
“If I have to go, I will.”
“Great, thank you for reminding me. Let’s read one more story.”